As this is my first blog post I suppose I should start by introducing myself, secondly I am fully aware the mirror in the featured image is streaky and there is no loo roll, I’m ok with it.
Hi my names Beth and I am a ginoholic. That’s all you’re getting this time, you’ll have to come back another time for a more thrilling insight into my world.
Now let’s get into it, the whole reason you clicked on this in the first place (unless I made you to get your opinion, then thanks, love you, cheers for the support) body confidence, my personal insight and where I am now.
I struggled with how I look incredibly and don’t get me wrong, I still have the odd wobble (whey – you see what I did there) now. I’m not gunna lie about it, I am over weight, I am not what is described as healthy and I’m pretty sure I have more rolls than Hovis, HOWEVER, I have come to accept that I will never be a size 8, it’s not in my destiny, but I can change my life for the better.
Let me take you back to a year ago, I was busting my ass at the gym, loving every second, there six days a week, working with a PT to take control of my body and my eating habits. I had lost around a stone at that time and I was living, however my mental health (which is a whole other story) took a complete and utter nose dive and I lost all motivation and could barely do anything but work and sleep. I just ate and ate because it was the only thing that comforted me. My partner, best friends (what’s up boys) and tribe all tried to drag me back to the place where I could do things again, they were met with hostility and more eating.
At some of my lowest points I would stand in the mirror, crying, looking at myself, punching myself repeatedly in the stomach because I hated myself and the way I looked. This would happen almost daily, hours in front of the mirror, critiquing my every flaw, telling myself I wasn’t good enough. Now that’s the first time I have admitted this out loud (kinda). My partner couldn’t understand how I could see myself like that, he loved every inch of me and I couldn’t be comfortable in my own skin. I would cry at photos of myself and take 100’s of photos from every angle to try and see if it was as awful as I thought and for me it was.
Flash forward to now. The stomach punching and crying has stopped because I am and have finally learning to be confident in my own skin.
It’s was a long road for me to get to this point, don’t get me wrong, I know I still have a long way to go to be completely confident within myself. For the people who know me reading this, the above may come as a shock; as I come across as confident, the more you read and the more I post, you’ll work out how much of a front that has all been.
I’m sure you’re wondering what the turning point was? I spent some time away from reading anything in the media depicting what women should be like and shaming those who were non con-formative to this standard.
I also started dressing the way I wanted, putting caution to the wind and simply not giving a shit about the thoughts of other people. I once read an article stating that the first thought you have when seeing someone is what you have been taught to think by society, the second thought is how you actually feel, it’s just a real shame people are quick to comment on their first thoughts. Out of this I find random peoples Instagrams and leave nice comments, because you know what – even if you’re outfits not for me honey, you’re slaying it and you need to know about. If it’s mishmash of patterns of colours, if it’s a short jumpsuit or a skirt, I no longer care as long as I feel confident and fabulous in it.
I’ve started following and reading articles and talks from body positive people. Tess Holliday for one, the creator of the #effyourbeautystands on instagram, who spends her whole time dedicated to body positivity no matter your size or age and I find her completely inspiring! (You can find her on Insta under @tessholliday) I also recently discovered Kitty Underhill, a stunning model and body/ self love and care advocate who gave me some tips on how to love ones self on a live feed she did with Neon Moon (an awesome underwear brand) and her message really hit home with me, it doesn’t matter what size I am, I can love the body I am in. (You can find her on Instagram under @kittyunderhillx)
I’ve also started watching what I eat once more, and have a support network of girls (WHAT UP FAT CLUB!) where we send each other slimming world tips and recipes to help each other out. If you need some inspiration or just to see what self willing looks like, please check out @myslimmingworld_shann, who is massively part of the reason I picked slimming world back up. Along with the watching what I eat, I have started exercising more and I am planning to hit the gym again.
At the end of the day, you get one body and you should learn to love it, each mark is a story and every bruise a tale. It may not be the body you want, but it’s the body you have and if you can’t love yourself; how the hell are you going to love somebody else (YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THAT RUPAUL DROP IN)
UNTIL NEXT TIME.