Dear Body, an open letter.

Dear Body,

I know we aren’t good at the moment. I know I filled you full of everything I shouldn’t of, resulting in you being the heaviest you have been in a while. Our relationship has gone sour and I’m beginning to hate and resent you, even though I know I caused this.

We had so many good times, scars and marks from drunken stumbles and tumbles, artwork I purposefully picked for you to cover you in the beauty I could never see for you, hands run over you from people who just couldn’t get enough, selfies posting in pants because you made me feel confident.

Now I look at you with such distain, with such hate and hostility. I avoid you in mirrors because of my pure repulsion for you. How did we get this bad, how did we take it this far?

When someone comment’s on you, if it’s a compliment, they are lying, there is no way anyone else could see you in any other light than I do. When your described as beautiful, gorgeous or sexy, I now wonder what I did for you to be the butt of such a cruel joke when before I would have agreed. If it’s a comment on how awful, repulsive and repelling you are, I now tend to agree instead of defend. Finally someone is seeing you as I do, so how could I not agree?

I know I am at fault for this, I can’t blame you as you’re not  in control. I have become weak and broken down, leaving you in the same neglect as an abandoned manor, once splendid in beauty and now in ruins.

To move forward from this we need to work together, we need to find the motivation and power we had once before.

We will stumble and falter, because it’s human to do so, however, this time we need to be stronger. We need not to be taken down so easy by forces beyond our control, by the need to react to bad situations with food, which I know is our vice.

I make this promise to you body, I will try, as long as you promise to do so also, to not give up or out on me. To help me become the best version of me I can become.

I know it will be a struggle, you will ache, hurt and beg me to stop, but it will get easier and easier and we will get better and better, fitter and fitter, healthier and healthier.

One day I hope not to hate everything about you, to be confident in you once more, to get back to where we were just months ago.

I guess we will see.

Beth.

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