Oh shit. Here we go again.
Don’t pretend like you haven’t missed me, coming here, writing my bullshit and then leaving you all in suspense for the past two years. Have you missed me? Because I sure as fuck have missed you.
I bet you’re thinking “bitch, where have you been? What have you been doing that’s so much more important than writing?” and the truth is I decided to tank and rebuild my life fully.
You know I’ll be honest with you, truly and fully honest, because what’s the point in being anything else? So here we go, time for a fun game of where the fuck Beth has been for the past two years.
So I decided to fuck my whole life up, I mean seriously I pressed the big red button and decided a few months before my 30th birthday that the only way to fix my life and the depression pit that sucked me further in was to nuke everything I knew and start again.
I left and divorced my then-husband. It didn’t end well. Wrongdoings on all sides. Many of the wrongdoings were worse than others. I won’t lie to you dear reader of mine, if I had stayed, I would have been dead. I will also be very honest with you in the fact I was no angel, but two years, trauma and a lot of therapy later; I finally have come to terms and understand what I went through and why leaving was the best choice I ever made. I finally understand the choices I made and what lead me to the point I am now finding myself in in 2022.
So when I left I moved back in with my dad, and started the hard task of not only rebuilding my life but rebuilding myself. I became seriously depressed and ended up having a mental breakdown that ended up being my turning point. Big props to my doctor and the NHS who seriously saved my life on that day. They worked with me for many months to ensure my safety and ensure my mental health was in the best possible place it could be. I received specialist therapy to help deal with my trauma. I began to rebuild and grow.
I was very lucky to have the support network I had during those times. My bandmates in Bitchin’ Hour did everything they could to make sure I was supported, looked after and out of harm’s way. They collected my stuff from my ex’s house so I didn’t have to, they sent me pick-me-up gifts and messages and they ensured that on my worst days I wasn’t alone. Now I tour the UK with 4 of my favourite people, playing with incredible bands and playing in amazing places. I am so lucky that now, I get to call this my life.
I reconnected with friends from my past, I made amends with friends who I had let fall to the wayside during the worst times of my depression. I have also made some incredible new friends, which I feel so blessed to have met.
I met my incredible partner Gabriel, who has changed my view on love completely. This man really be out here fixing things he didn’t even break. He makes me feel completely loved, safe and valued. If there’s an issue, this man will sit me down and we talk about it like two adults should. Every time I have a bad mental health day, trauma flashback or just feel shit – he does the utmost to make sure that I am comfortable and ensures that my feelings are valid. I couldn’t be more thankful for him and for the true love he has shown me. I am once again a believer that love really does exist. Now we are moving into a home together that we have purchased, like proper adults!
So there you go, that’s the last two years. I’m sure you’re wondering what’s next!
So I finally feel like my passion for writing has returned. I’m not going to try and set a hectic writing schedule because I want to fall back in love with writing. I will try and post a minimum of twice a month with a mix of music and life pieces. You know, the pieces that you have come to know and love from my dumb ass. So dear reader, I’m fucking back, in full force and it’s time to get back on my fucking bullshit.
It’s fucking nice to be home.
Bands hit me up for review and guys, let me know what life pieces you’d like to read.