Thanks for returning.

Today I will be going over heartbreak, but not heartbreak from a first love, a second love or anyone you have been romantically involved with, but friends.

Friends can shatter your heart into 1,000 pieces, make you cry and break your soul as much as any partner can.

I’m going to run through my personal experience with this and explain why it hurt so bad.

Just for politeness reasons, we are gunna call the guy in this story Greg.

So Greg and I were close friends, one of the best friends I ever had. We would hang out all the time, go to the zoo, have drinks, go for lunch, you know – all the things best friends do. Greg was not the best at responding to communications but I still made an effort because you accept the flaws of the people you love, even if it did drive me mad.

I’m sure you’ll agree that when it comes to your best friend, you would do anything for them. You love those people unconditionally and without prejudice. You can’t see anything taking them from your world or them ever doing anything to hurt you, intentional or not.

The beginning of the end was the announcement of my engagement. As I told you, Greg sucked at responding, but I didn’t get a response to letting him know I was engaged. Your best friend doesn’t respond to your engagement.. dick move right?

A few months passed and I still hadn’t heard from him, messages and calls went unanswered and all requests to hangout were left with silence. Then I saw him out of the blue, whilst doing my weekly shop. I should have taken the first step, said hello, but I waited for him to come to me, but instead he actually full blown ran away. Ran. away. Skulked around the shop doing anything he could to avoid me.

Now that hurt. Seeing someone you love so dearly, fucking bolt at the sight of you, is really quite shite. Not being afraid of some confrontation, I messaged Greg letting him know I had seen him and actually what the fuck? I let him know how much that had actually hurt me and once again, I was left unanswered.

I sent Greg a few more messages because I simply couldn’t understand what was going. One of my closest friends had cut me out, removed me from their world, with no explanation, no closure and I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.

I got to the end of my tether and sent Greg one finally message, letting him know I was done messaging him, I wished him the best with his life, told him my door would always be open for him and that was that. Of course I didn’t get a response, I didn’t expect one.

I know I didn’t handle this rejection well and it took me to a very low point. I couldn’t understand what had happened, I couldn’t process it, there was so much crying around this. My heart was utterly heart broken at the fact I had lost this person, this person who has meant so much to me. Someone who knew so much about me, someone who I was so comfortable around. I then took the decision to delete Greg from all social media and delete his number from my phone.

Two years passed and I had moved on, I mean I still thought of Greg now and again, especially when Facebook throws up some nice photo memories of all the times we hung out, however Greg became just a bitter sweet memory for me.

So let me take you to the beginning of July 2018, I’ve been living in Fleet for two years and very much resigned myself to never seeing or contacting Greg again. I had just gone out for a run as I had my Race For Life the weekend after, so I was looking stunningly sweaty and red in my work out gear, popping into Sainsbury’s to pick up some ingredients to make a brownie for my Grandad’s birthday BBQ.  I was just out, living my best life, pottering towards Sainsburys and I see a cute dog to my right. Not going to lie, cute dog, gunna look at it, anyone would. It was the owner of this dog that threw me, there with  this cute AF dog, was Greg.

I panicked, said nothing, ran into Sainsburys, grabbed a basket to try and stop my shaking. Early morning on a Saturday, you don’t expect to see sat outside your local Sainsburys, the person who meant so much to you and shut you off with no reason or explanation.

This 100% threw me, all those upset and confused feelings came rushing on back. I am incredibly thankful for my gal pals and best friend who woke up at 9am to listen to my panic and confusion.

After a few gins with a friend the next day, I decided to message Greg to let him know that I lived there and if he had moved here, it might be time to sit down and have a discussion about where the break down in our friendship happened, because I for one needed closure on this. It was written in a very business professional way, sent on Facebook messenger, where the last message I had sent him was “you’re going to come to my wedding right?”

Now Greg left me on read. He read my message and didnt respond and that was enough for me.

People are 100% correct when they say friends can break your heart too. What people don’t realise is that you don’t have to date someone to give yourself to them in an emotional sense. We tether ourselves to people, tell them our hopes and dreams, fears and loves, our secrets and we never truly know if they mean more to us than we do to them. We never know how people are going to react to things.

Greg might have a bloody good reason for cutting me out and that’s fine.

I wish Greg the best of happiness with his life, I hope he achieves everything he wants but I honestly don’t think there could be a friendship there again.