Today I want to discuss a rape case in Ireland in which a 17 year old girls lace front thong was used as defence that she in fact wanted to have sex and consented.
The defence lawyer stated “you have to look at how she was dressed, she was wearing a lace front thong”
Fucking pardon? A thong does not mean she consented. A piece of fabric does not mean she was like hey, I want this guy tonight. A piece of underwear cannot be used as a valid from of consent.
Now let me say this for everyone who cannot comprehend what consent is or what it looks like.
The word yes. Yes is consent. Yes means, I would like to have sex with you on this occasion.
What isn’t consent? No. Maybe later. Not now. Basically anything that isn’t yes means someone isn’t consenting and that my friends, is sexual assault and rape.
My underwear doesn’t mean I want to fuck someone. My shirt doesn’t mean I want to fuck you. The way I do my make up doesn’t mean I wanted to fuck you. Just because I smiled at you doesn’t mean I was leading you on and I owe you anything. The word yes is the only thing that means I want you near me.
This is true for both men and women, the word yes is the only thing that means fuck all.
This case has lead to the global movement #thisisnotconsent
This involves women posting photos of their thongs with the above hashtag, in support of all the people who have been blamed, for the what they wearing and how they were dressed, for their rape.
Consent does not come in the form of a piece of fabric, a low cut shirt or a dress. It has to be freely and voluntarily given by each person involved. If you can’t understand that, then you shouldn’t be having sex, with anyone, ever.
It leaves women everywhere questioning, what underwear do I need to wear not to get raped and sexually assaulted? What do I have to wear in general not to get raped and sexually assaulted? Because no matter what someone is wearing, no matter the underwear, shirt or skirt, women are still getting raped.
Does that mean that women of the world are going to stop wearing our thongs, our lace pants and what other pants makes us feel like a million dollars and comfortable? Fucking no, we are not and this seems to be the consensus of the women on my social media when I asked that question. We should be able to go outside our own homes, wearing what the fuck we like without fear of being attacked. But are we less likely to report it if we do get attacked? Maybe, this is just another note for women who believe they wont be believed due to what they wore, like they deserved it because of their choice of underwear.
The victim blaming culture needs to stop.
We didn’t want it. We didn’t ask for it. It wasn’t our fault.
Let me finish by saying;
My choice or any women’s choice of underwear is not an invitation. Yes from both people involved is the only form of consent. Underwear is not consent.
If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this post, the following NHS website may be able to offer help and advise, you can find that here.