Thank U, Exes

Welcome back!

Today we are going to talk about exes, if the title didn’t give that away. The photo in the header has nothing to do with exes, I just look great so I am forcing you to look at me.

Breaking up with someone is tough, no matter how long you have been together. When you make the choice to give yourself to someone, your time, your effort, your emotions; it can really hurt when you loose them.

Remember the heart break and how it hurts because it will make you stronger in the long run. With each heartbreak, you learn how to deal with the pain in better ways, which teaches you to deal with any pain in a more constructive way. I can openly admit when my heart was broken for the first time, I went on a drinking binge; throwing myself into forgetting at the bottom of a bottle, however as I grew; I dealt with heartbreak by working out, dying my hair and getting a new tattoo.

“We can still be friends” is the famous line used at the end of any relationship. Let’s be real about this for a second, you can totally be friends with your exes… but not right away. There is no way that you can be friends with someone straight after you’ve been in a relationship with them, you still pine for them and it still hurts to see them.  However once you move on, once they move on; friendship is possible. You can stand to be around each other, without the pain of not being able to do the things you used to. You can still have the inside jokes you used to have without there being the pull of sadness. What I am trying to say here is don’t rush friendship with your ex, wait until your ready, otherwise you will never heal and you’ll end up forever longing for them.

One pro tip, stop stalking your ex on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and whatever other social media platform you might have them on. In fact take some time off social media all together, focus on you, your heart and your well being. Seeing happy couples, babies and proposals everywhere isn’t going to do you any good. Call some people you haven’t seen in a while, reconnect with the world and have some experiences you’ve never done before.

Why have I named this piece Thank U, Exes when all I’ve done so far is talk about the actual break up pain?

Because we learn a lot from our exes, about ourselves, about how we are and what we want in our future relationships. We have plenty to thank them for in that respect.

Without some of my exes, I wouldn’t know I love red wine. I wouldn’t of discovered Taking Back Sunday or Jimmy Eat World, opening my musical world up to whole new bunch of bands I didn’t know before. I wouldn’t have learnt that if someone uses your tattoos and weight as an excuse to break up with you, they weren’t  worth shit in the first place. I experienced a lot of things, places and met a lot  of new people with the exes and I will always be thankful for those memories. I once looked back on them with a bittersweet mist, but now the feelings attached have dissipated; they are just some great memories with some great people.

I discovered a lot of things about myself while being with the exes. I discovered that I deserved more in some relationships. I learnt to make sure I never felt like just an option, one of many. In my opinion everyone needs to learn this, you should never just be one of many, a back up plan or an after thought. You deserve to be the only option, Plan A and the end game. Don’t waste your heart on someone who can’t give you the love you deserve, someone who will have another person in their bed before you can blink. Someone out there will put you first and that is the minimum of what you deserve.

I learnt not to give my heart to someone so quickly, which I see as both a positive and a negative. In the positive corner, it’s made me a lot better at not getting hurt and giving my heart freely to people who don’t deserve it. In the negative corner, it has made me colder, harder to love because I don’t let people in easily. The negative corner is something I need to work on, I’m aware of that.

Thanks to one of my exes, I knew what it felt like to be shamed and hidden because of how I looked. I knew that was something I would refuse to let happen to me again when we broke up. I am aware that I am not a skinny super model and my insta photos are way better than the real life version, but I deserve to be loved out loud and in public.

For some people, their exes have given them the gift of a spawn. Understandably, most people are thankful for this because tiny humans are terrifying but cool as hell.  It can be incredibly hard having half of your ex running round all day, but you’re doing great and you got a cool little human to teach weird things too.

So in the short of it thank you to all the exes of our lives. They made us who we are when it comes to relationships. We learnt the way to deal with things because of you, we learnt about pain because of you and some of you taught us real love. Some of you however were shit but we make our peace with you because we know we deserve more.

 Thank U, next 



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