Getting over someone, using New Rules by Dua Lipa

One: Don’t pick up the phone, you know he’s only callin’ ’cause he’s drunk and alone
Two: Don’t let him in, you’ll have to kick him out again
Three: Don’t be his friend, you know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning
Four: And if you’re under him, you ain’t gettin’ over him

New Rules – Dua Lipa

Welcome back!

Today we are going to discuss the four rules outlined in Dua Lipa’s hit song New Rules. Why?! I hear you ask! Because it’s bloody good advice and some I wish I had when I was younger. So I know in the song it says him/he’s but this is for everyone, because its valid for everyone.

We have all had those people in our lives who we have them feels for. We give them our time and we give them our energy, we let them into our lives and our homes. We fuck with them and love them. They don’t have feelings for us in the same way, but know that you’ll give them what they need. They make you feel like everything, like your special but then leave you in heartbeat. They become your loves but you’re certainly not theirs.

You’re replaceable, yet you let them in over and over; knowing that you’re just going to get hurt. You can’t stop letting them in because of the feelings you have. You swear over and over that you’re going to cut them out, that you’re going to sever ties with this person. Yet you never do.

You are left in a state of not knowing if you’re their drunken dirty secret. Are they banging you out of pity?  Do they know they have you sat there, heart breaking because you’ve accidentally fallen for someone who couldn’t care less about your feelings but really likes the physical side.

We can sometime become addicted to the way someone makes us feel, even if it’s unreciprocated. We become addicted to the idea of love, trying to find our missing part of the jigsaw; that we throw ourselves at anyone that shows us a little attention. We would rather lead ourselves into heartbreak, charging towards someone with our hearts on our sleeves. We are ready to leap into someones affection when they would rather side step and let us face plant the floor.

Below I’m going to go through the rules outlined in New Rules and discussing why these are fucking banging for getting over that rascal that keeps messing with your heart and mind.

So let’s get into it!

 

One: Don’t pick up the phone, you know he’s only callin’ ’cause he’s drunk and alone

This is so valid.

When you’re into someone and you’ve been sleeping with them, you tend to pick up when they call and respond when they text.

We have all done it. You’re hooked to hooking up with them. You can’t help it, the sex is great but you end up catching the feels. They don’t. You’re left feeling more and more every time you bang, yet you know to them you’re just someone they can call when they are lonely.

Don’t pick up the phone to this person. Just let them call. Hell block the shit out of their number until you’re over it. If you keep picking up, you’ll keep getting hurt.
Two: Don’t let him in, you’ll have to kick him out again

Also valid in more ways than one.

If you let someone into your home, you have to remove them again.

If you let them in emotionally and physically, all that work you did to get over them is pretty much ruined, friend. We tend to let people back into our spaces before we have actually healed and moved on – setting us back further.

 

Three: Don’t be his friend, you know you’re gonna wake up in his bed in the morning

Ok, this one though.

It’s hard enough to be friends with someone you have feelings for, but trying to be friends with someone you’ve been fucking is near on impossible if you’re not over it.

You can go for drinks, dinner, walks or what not but y’all gunna end up fucking.

Shut that shit down until you’re over it because honestly you’re going to wake up with the person you’ve been trying to move on from.

The amount of times I hung out with people I had been hooking up with before I was ready, before I had moved on was a joke. I tried to be friends but I would usually end up sleeping with them again and hating myself the morning after for letting them back in.

You’re worth more.

Four: And if you’re under him, you ain’t gettin’ over him

OOOFFFFF

If you have feelings and you’re boning someone – you simply cannot get over them. Sex can be meaningless. It really can. Just not when there are feelings attached.

 

If you want to have a casual relationship with someone make that very fucking clear at the start. Make the deal that if either of you get feelings you call time on it to make sure no one gets hurt. Don’t leave it confusing, just be honest.

If you want to stop fucking someone because, y’know, it’s just not your thing any more, just say. Just stopping, no explanation, leaves people feeling like they aren’t good enough and never were. It’s a dick thing to do pals.

And lastly, don’t let someone hurt you. If you need to step away, not see them, clear your head and get into a better space, just tell them. Be honest and tell them that you can’t spend time with them until you’re good because your feelings are valid and your heart deserves to be happy boo.

 

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